Isn’t this what we all dream of? A love that withstands anything and everything….but, as the song goes ‘Staying in Love Ain’t Easy’ (Wendell B.)

Our society creates a very romanticised, almost unrealistic image of what it is to be in love and it’s usually a lot quicker to fall in love than it is to fall out of love. That heady feeling can last a lifetime for many people but for many more it’s about recognising that people are unlikely to change what are their basic personality traits, much as we might want them to!

When I worked as a relationship counsellor and saw couples who felt that they were no longer in love,  I tried to emphasise that both partners have to be willing to keep their love alive – it’s pretty hard for one person to keep things going if the other one is ‘opting out’ emotionally and physically. But, if you’re both committed to keeping your love alive and your life together happy, what can you do, even if things are difficult?

Start with what attracted you to your partner which could be any number of things – their sense of humour, kindness, their academic achievements or, quite possibly, a raw attraction which was mainly physical. But if it was enough to bring you together, it can hopefully be enough to keep you together in the long-term.

Fun and the friendship that you hopefully have are one of the most important parts of love – that’s paying attention to your partner, asking about their day, doing things together that you both enjoy and going out as a couple and with other couples too.

You need connection too – trying new activities together, showing empathy for the challenges they might be facing, even if you’d deal with it differently, dreaming and talking about your future together.

Intimacy is important to most of us – starting the day with a kiss, always kissing goodnight at the end of the day, telling them what you love about sex with them, holding hands. All of these are connections that keep people together.

Then there are the arguments – most couples have them, sometimes almost daily! If this is part of your relationship try to take responsibility for some part of the problem, avoid swearing and yelling during arguments and try to be clear and direct. Face your challenges together and see what you can do differently, especially if you’ve been fighting a lot.

Finally, there’s gratitude – telling them what you like about them, thanking them for working hard, appreciating their quirks and funny little ways as well as doing a chore that you know they hate, cooking their favourite meal and picking up the slack when they’re really busy.

No-one said that relationships are easy (well, they probably did, but they weren’t being realistic!), but trying to keep things fresh and helping one another along when things are really tough is a good start and can keep your relationship a loving one, even when you’re facing a lot of different hurdles. It’s really worth trying….

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