Ever Feel That Your Relationship Is Off Balance?

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We all know that relationships need some mutual give and take with each person showing an interest in one another’s interests and goals whilst showing care for the other one.

But if your relationship is off-balance it lacks this mutual give and take, with one of you doing most or all of the giving but getting little in return.  With couples, when both of them are getting at least 90% of their needs met in their relationship, they’re usually happy. Even with only 70% of their needs met, most people will stay put and keep trying to improve things but once a person is getting less than 50% of their needs met, they’ll usually think of splitting from their partner. The exception to this is if one of them has a serious illness – that changes the dynamics completely and most people caring for a sick partner will recognise that, at least for the time-being, a lot of their needs can’t be met.

So, what are the signs that your relationship is off-balance?

  • You put in a lot of effort for your partner but they don’t do the same for you.
  • You often feel that you’re putting more into your relationship than you’re getting out of it.
  • You feel as if you need to take care of your partner.
  • You always try to fix things before they become a problem, to save your partner doing things.
  • You often feel unappreciated.
  • You’re very reluctant to ask for anything for yourself.
  • Your partner doesn’t seem very interested in you or what you’re doing.
  • You often feel resentful.

All of the above mean that your own needs aren’t being met. So what can you do to improve things?

Start by prioritising your own emotional needs – that means showing yourself the same care that you show to other people, not just your partner.

Try having a conversation about it – you may well be scared of their reaction but don’t assume that they already know what you need. It needs to be made very clear for some people.

Start setting clearer boundaries with your partner so that you both know what to expect. If your partner is annoyed about this, try to stick to what you’ve decided or you’ll be back where you started.

If you’ve asked your partner for help and support many times before, you need to either accept that you won’t get what you need or think seriously about leaving the relationship.

Lastly, it’s important to remember that we all deserve relationships that are mutually caring and supportive.

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