It’s one thing to set boundaries when you’re interacting with other people, but what about setting boundaries for yourself? If you can do this, it’s the beginning of a healthy relationship with the person that you often put last – you. Being happy with who you are, having self-respect and being present in your day-to-day life means that you’re more likely to find happiness rather than always pursuing a better tomorrow.

In our society, the media often tells us that having more is better – more money to buy things and more friends and experiences on social media – where does it end? Often, our spending hides a desperate need to escape feelings of dissatisfaction although underneath we know that happiness isn’t found in the things we buy or in dreaming about our next holiday.

But saying “no” is easier said than done and this is where our personal boundaries come in; they’re essential for establishing as well as sustaining personal relationships with others and also, ourselves. It’s when we say to ourselves as much as to others – “here’s the line I won’t cross”. That’s because we’re in a relationship with ourselves too. So, how to go about this? Well, have a look below and see what you think:

• Think about your own worth – saying no becomes a lot easier when you detach your own worth from the things that you own (material possessions) as well as your professional identity. It doesn’t mean that you’re a better person because you have a bigger house or because you’ve lots of credentials. It’s more about your worth being part of who you are, your principles and sense of humanity.
• Be honest with yourself too – if you really want a new designer watch, ask yourself why that is. Perhaps you have a desire for status or want to be noticed for having something recognisable but before you buy it, ask yourself what or who you’re doing it for. The same with a job promotion – maybe you’re doing it for an increase in salary but if it’s mainly so that people look at you differently, ask yourself if that alone is enough for you or is being happy without the extra stress more important?
• Remember that you can’t be everything to everyone. Trying to please a lot of people often results in spreading ourselves too thin. You’ve only so much time and energy so be careful with your choices and don’t constantly push yourself too hard.
• That brings me onto comparing yourself with others – what someone is doing and how they’re doing it rarely has any bearing on what and who you are. Resolve to focus on your own life with its standards and goals.
• Lastly, maybe you’re your own worst critic! Try to have realistic expectations of yourself and when you set goals, take into account that they need to be realistic. Unachievable goals can set us up for failure, whereas achievable ones help us feel good about ourselves as well as able to go a little bit further if we want to.

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