At this time of year, our nearly-adult children are often heading off to university or college and even though you’ve always known that this would probably be the case, it’s still quite difficult to cope with when it happens. Suddenly, there’s a big hole in your life and although you’re probably excited and proud for them, it’s normal to feel sadness when they go.

When it happens, it will change the dynamics in your household – if it’s your first child, any other children will feel the loss too. They may not always had an amicable relationship with their sibling but that doesn’t mean that they won’t miss them when they’ve finally gone. Also, if you have a partner, it will undoubtedly affect your relationship too – it can seem great to have more freedom (and maybe money) to do what you want, when you want, but it will probably affect both of you differently. If you’re single parent, the prospect of now living alone can seem very daunting.

Up until now, you’ve had someone to look out for, often shop for and generally help whenever you can. You’ll always worry about them, even when they become adults, but now it will be different.

If you have planned for this, it might help you to adapt when the time comes – it’s a chance to explore different interests that you may not have had time for before. Or, if money’s tight (and that’s happening more and more for many people), you might increase your working hours. However you decide to spend your time, it’s normal to mourn the loss of what was even if you know the change is a good thing really. Something that’s useful to say to yourself is “What could I do instead?”

This is a time to reflect, whether you’re a single parent, in a relationship or the change at home isn’t, for whatever reason, really what you wanted. Structure and routine can help a lot and be a comfort even if it’s not what you usually enjoy. So, go for a morning walk, visit the same pub or coffee house that you usually do and try to stick to a routine for eating and sleeping, at least until your body and mind have caught up with the changes going on.

Try to listen to soothing music, take a warm bath or meditate – anything that comforts you whilst you’re adapting to the changes. It will take time but eventually it will become your ‘new normal’ and even though you’ll still miss your old life at times, you’ll be able to look forward to what the future will bring. Change is never easy, but embrace it as much as you can and try to enjoy what’s happening right now.

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