Do you ever feel like someone in your life is just a bit too self-involved? If so, it can be tough to make them understand that actually, it’s not all about them. Sounds familiar? While it’s healthy to express self-interest there’s a big difference between confidence and self-absorption.

There are several signs and signals that show that you’re dealing with a self-centred person:

• They have a sense of self-entitlement. Somehow, they believe that they’re more deserving of privileges and special treatment than other people. An extension of this is that they often  attribute their achievements to their own efforts but blame outside factors or others for their shortcomings.
• They’re rarely happy for your achievements – a self-centred person struggles to feel genuine happiness for other people, even their partners and friends.  Whatever achievement that you’ve managed, whether it’s a small win in a competition, making a new friend or getting a promotion at work, they will often react with jealousy or indifference or congratulate you half-heartedly but turn the subject back to themselves.
• They find it hard to show empathy. I’ve found this out personally and professionally – the ‘friend’ who finds it hard to listen to others, switching off completely or brushing off your concerns and making light of them rather than trying to reassure you.
• They find it hard to say sorry. That doesn’t make them bad people but they definitely have a hard time apologising and really meaning it. Admitting they’re wrong would mean acknowledging someone else’s point of view and shifting the focus from themselves. They might twist the situation so that it seems as if you were over-reacting and that’s because they find it a struggle to accept responsibility; they find it hard to understand that they’ve hurt you or someone else.
• They’re always seeking validation – you might have found yourself constantly reassuring and complimenting them, just to keep things sweet.  They crave approval, and even more importantly, attention, so that they can carry on feeling good about themselves. You might find yourself being their sidekick, taking on this role of constantly dishing out compliments to help this process along.      
• They lack self-awareness, often failing to see how their behaviour impacts on others or even understand how others see them.

So, if you find yourself being manipulated or always trying to reach someone else’s standards, you’re probably dealing with a deeply self-centred person. If this is the case, it’s vital to maintain your personal freedom and individuality in any relationship.

However, it’s not about changing the other person but more about understanding their behaviour and how it impacts on you personally. Once you’ve done that, you’ll be better able to manage your interactions with them and protect yourself emotionally within the relationship/friendship

However, here’s something to think about…..do we all lack self-awareness at time? Of course we do because no-one is perfect and there’s always room for growth and self-reflection.  Everyone has the potential for change (yes, really!). Food for thought……

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