Of course, it almost goes without saying that being nice is a positive thing but, could it actually mean that it’s detrimental in some ways too?

There has to be balance in all relationships, whether that’s with a partner, friends or family and if you’re nice all of the time it can also mean that you become a bit of a doormat and aren’t always taken seriously, whether that’s at work or home. Your own preferences can be over-ridden and you can feel neglected.

You find yourself avoiding conflict at all costs in case it upsets other people, prioritising their needs over your own and agreeing even when you feel differently – sounds familiar? If you recognise these traits and want to change things it’s a good idea to think about why you put so much value on being nice – it might be that your parents or siblings have always been difficult to please and only praised you if you were ‘nice’ all the time growing up but were very judgmental if you expressed different opinions. It may have been something that you picked up on when you were younger and thought that always agreeing was better than having conflict in your life.

Whatever the reason, if you want to change there are ways that you can do this:

• Start by being more assertive and challenging opinions that you disagree with. If you begin with small ideas and plans, they’ll grow as your self-confidence increases. A word of warning though – other people don’t always like change and they may challenge you along the way. “You always used to be so easy-going – what’s happened?” are questions you may have to get used to! It’s easy to carry on how you were, but if you want to change, this is almost inevitable.
• Insist that you’re taken seriously and not taken advantage of, expressing your own needs and sticking out for things that you consider right are all part of this.
• Look up how you can increase your self-esteem online and practice the techniques in your everyday life.
• At work, being too nice, or accommodating, means that you might have been overlooked for management opportunities. Fear of being disliked doesn’t make for a good manager in any situation. In that role, you’ll almost certainly have to make tough, sometimes unpopular, decisions but no-one respects a manager who can’t actually manage.

Of course, having a very agreeable person around is definitely a positive thing but be aware of being exploited and ensure that kindness doesn’t stop you achieving what you want rather than pleasing other people in your life all the time.

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