If you’re yearning for someone special in your life but always seem to end up with the wrong person (wrong for you, not necessarily for someone else though), it can be hard, particularly if a lot of your friends are part of a happy couple.

So, what can you do to improve your chances of finding someone who wants a long-term commitment?

First of all, don’t waste your time hanging onto someone who ultimately isn’t going to be good for you. In other words, if someone shows you early on that they’re not really right for you, don’t hang on in there thinking that eventually they’ll change. It’s very unlikely that that will happen and you’ll have wasted time and energy on something that won’t work out.

Be discerning about who you go out with – don’t agree to date someone because you feel desperate or lonely. It’s not a good foundation for anything long-term.

If you really want a committed relationship (rather than ‘just a bit of fun’), only date people who are also ready for a something long-term.

Unless you live in a rural area and are very isolated socially, there will be groups of single people that you come into contact with who find you attractive. So, ignore the possible partners who aren’t single and any who are obviously not attracted to you. Getting attached to unavailable people is painful and a waste of time (sounds obvious but it’s easy to get carried away on those first heady dates but you need to know how available they are before committing yourself any further!).

Of the people that find you attractive, there will be a smaller group that you find attractive too. However, there’s no point in dating any of them if they don’t want a commitment at some point in the future. You can usually suss this out by asking subtle questions on, say, the first date or even in general conversation.

Also, don’t ask well-meaning family and friends what they think, or at least, take their advice with a pinch of salt. Anything along the lines of “you’re too choosy” and “someone will come along when you least expect it” isn’t really helpful in the long run.

So, to summarise: only date people if

• They find you attractive
• You find them attractive
• They’re single and available
• They are ready for a long-term commitment
• They show signs of wanting that commitment with you.

When I ask clients why they chose their partner, they often reply that they didn’t choose them, “they just came along”, but there is almost always a choice made on our parts, even if we can’t see it at the time!

Hopefully this blog has interested you enough to encourage you to look at who you choose to date. Most of us have that choice and it’s up to us to make sure that we’re making good decisions about our future.

Hopefully you’ve found this blog helpful and interesting – if so, I’d love it if you bought me a coffee ☕ (see tab at top of page). Thank you so much.

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