Most relationships have some conflict but what makes some relationships thrive whilst others flounder? There’s no easy answer to that but research suggests that if you have a negative exchange of words with your partner, there need to be at least five positive interactions to keep the relationship healthy.

So how can you improve things between you? Well, you could start by trying the following:

• Prioritise time together – it will help you to connect at a deeper level if you plan times when you can enjoy each other’s company, talk without being interrupted and hopefully feel closer to your partner. This isn’t easy if one of you works shifts and/or you have children. However, if you can manage it, it should pay dividends. Half an hour of quiet time together and taking an interest in each other’s hobbies by asking questions and not rolling your eyes when they want to talk about their interests is a good way to start.
• If you can’t agree, practice compromise – by considering what your partner thinks, even if it’s completely different from your own perspective, can help to slow down conflict. Don’t just pay ‘lip service’ to what they’re saying, but genuinely listen to them, without interrupting, and recognise and acknowledge their emotions. That’s when trying to find a middle ground pays dividends – of course, it doesn’t always work but it’s a good place to start.
• Apologise if you’re in the wrong – it’s a hard thing to admit that you’ve hurt someone (possibly without intending to) and some people find it harder than others, but if your partner is hurt by your bad behaviour or because you’ve said something unkind, do a bit of soul-searching to see if you can admit that to yourself and then to them.
• Try to express your appreciation of them on a daily basis by complimenting them on their strengths, praising them and making an effort to understand their needs. We all like to be appreciated – it helps us to feel better, even things aren’t generally going well.
• Lastly, use humour to diffuse difficult situations because quite often it can strengthen your connection. You can share jokes about things that only the two of you know about and a little teasing can often help things along. Not everyone likes being teased but if it’s done in a light-hearted way can help to lighten mundane times.

Hopefully you’ve found this blog helpful and interesting – if so, I’d love it if you bought me a coffee ☕ (see tab at top of page). Thank you so much.

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