It can seem as if everyone else is happy and coupled-up and maybe you were the same a few weeks ago – looking forward to the future, having a few days off from work in the summer and spending time together and now this. If your partner was the one who decided to end it you might still be trying to come to terms with that and if you find out that he/she has already started seeing someone else, that can be the last straw!

How can that have happened so quickly? Were they seeing that person before they broke it off with you? These questions can haunt you in the middle of the night or any time you get a moment to think about them. You can look them up on FB, listen to your friends and endlessly wonder if your ex is as happy with them as you were together.

The feelings you experience can be gut-wrenching and pull at you all the time.

Whether it’s a ‘rebound relationship’ or whether they waited a few months or longer before getting together with someone new, there will be friends who will probably tell you about it if you all live close to one another. It’s tempting to ask lots of questions but, if possible, try not to – it won’t help and everything you find out will make things more painful, not less so.

So, to help you keep your sanity and stop you going into a dark place, here are a few ideas to keep you going along the way:

• Unless they left you for the other person, in which case it’s usually a betrayal, realise that your ex has the right to see someone new. It might seem unfair that while you’re struggling to get over the break-up they’ve already found someone new but people often do this because it helps them get through.
• It might be the right time for them, if not for you. It may seem callous that they’ve done this so quickly, but it often happens – a lot of people (not all) prefer to be part of a couple rather than being alone.
• Try to remember why you broke up, even if you don’t completely understand it yet. There was a reason although you probably can’t see it at the moment. At least you are no longer the one who has to put up with their lack of punctuality, spending habits, drinking or any number of other things that you now realise you found irritating! To explore this further, check out my book ‘The Way Up After Your Breakup’ available on Amazon https://amzn.eu/d/5AYjDdD
• It’s not a race to see who finds someone new first – you can’t speed through heartbreak and if you’re not in a place where you can envisage getting together with someone new so quickly, give yourself time.
• Don’t compare yourself with the new person – it’s tempting to do so and even to try to understand what your ex sees in that relationship but you’ll probably never know so don’t torture yourself about it.
• Avoid stalking them online – the internet has definitely made it harder to work through feelings of rejection because we can see updates about our exes lives. If you see that your ex has already gone on holiday with that person, you will relive the heartbreak. Try not to have even the tiniest peek at their profiles and photos.
• Accept that you’re bound to feel a bit strange – it’s going to feel weird but that’s actually  normal and not necessarily a signal that you want them back.
• Pull the focus back to you – this is the time to catch up with friends and family, find a new interest and enjoy what you have, doing what you want to do.

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