Wishing each and everyone of you a very Happy Christmas and hoping that it brings everything that you hold dear. I’m looking forward to 2026 and hope that you’ll continue to enjoy reading my blogs.

Any counsellor and psychotherapist will tell you that you can only change your behaviour if you really want to – it can be done, but it often takes hard work.

However, don’t despair, because if you’ve decided that you really want to change, starting with some small steps can make a big difference. There are often some common patterns that can hold you back though – here are some of them; take a look and see if they resonate with you and, if so, what you can do about them.

• One of the first, and most compelling, is negative self-talk; to make some real changes, start believing in yourself and replace self-criticism with some positive affirmations like “I can do this if I put my mind to it”. Believing in yourself is really important.
• Fear of failure is also something that will hold you back, even if you’re determined to change. It can hold you back in a big way but try to recognise that in order to grow, you’ll inevitably make mistakes but these are natural and are part of your development.
• Procrastination is a big one too and can really hold us back when we’re trying to change. Try to prioritise your tasks and aim to be consistent, setting small goals along the way so that you’re often achieving some progress even if it’s not as quick as we’d like!
• Don’t compare yourself to other people – nothing’s more demoralising than constantly making comparisons. If you’re doing this, try to avoid social media for a while – instead, focus on yourself and your personal growth.
• Trying to please other people and a desire to make them happy or do what they expect of you means that you can often neglect your own needs. Thinking about yourself isn’t selfish, even if that’s a message that you took from childhood, but it’s essential if you want to change and prioritise yourself at times.
• Lastly, try to set more boundaries with friends, family and colleagues – the hardest thingabout change is that other people in your life may not like it. They say things like “you never used to react like that” and “why have you changed? You were always so easy-going” – these comments make it harder to change and we default back to our old ways. Of course people in your life preferred it when you fell in with their ideas and needs and they won’t always want you to change but for your own long-term happiness, it can be a life-changer, so give it a go.

You can see my blogs as soon as they are published (usually on Wednesdays) by pressing the ‘follow’ button and you can share them with your friends. You can also find me on LinkedIn, Instagram (samebutdifferent) and read my FB posts every week at Same But Different #samebutdifferent #relationships # issues #bloggerforever #lovewriting #livingchange #makeitcount #canidothis #canyoudothis #ukblogger #femaleblogger #irishblogger

Some of you will describe your partner as your ‘best friend’ and then others might say they’re on the verge of leaving their partner; in between those two extremes are all the couples who have everyday niggles about one another but mostly get along fine, with occasional arguments.

But relationships are affected by things that can seem quite small but can grow bigger very quickly. In other words, they’re fragile and some times more than others. Most relationships go through different stages and, ideally, people change together but not always because we don’t always know how change will affect us until it happens.

There are things that can really take their toll though and it’s important to realise what they are and try to avoid them. Read on…..

• Neglecting your partner’s needs – no relationship is going to be successful if you only think and care about what you want. There often needs to be compromise along with lots of talking. Putting your own needs first will never result in a healthy relationship and of course the same applies if your partner is the self-centred one.
• Being disrespectful towards one another – if this happens, it can eventually destroy your relationship. If you’re annoyed with your partner, it’s all too easy to become disrespectful and although you might apologise later, it can cause a gulf between you.
• Try not to take your partner for granted – however happy you are, things can become stale if you don’t even see their good qualities any longer. It’s important to keep showing your love and appreciation.
• Don’t focus on the negatives – maybe they didn’t take out the rubbish, mow the lawn or buy the breakfast cereal you like but they might have done all the washing or got the car serviced which are things that contribute to your mutual life together. Try to remember that before you criticise what they haven’t done.
• Holding a grudge is a big ‘no no’ in relationships. Forgiveness is paramount and people make mistakes. If you can’t let things go, not just in your relationship, but with friends and family, you’ll never be truly happy.
• Constantly doubting your partner means that your relationship can never truly thrive because trust is paramount and one of the most critical parts of healthy relationships. If it’s missing, it means that your partner constantly has to justify themselves, which is no way to live.
• In the same way, being very possessive can make your partner feel suffocated. The tighter you hold them, the more they’ll want to get free. Try to work on your own self-esteem and issues to help you with possessiveness. If your partner has betrayed your trust in the past, it will be hard to regain but seeing a couples therapist will help the process if that’s what you both want.
• When you’re with your family and friends, it might be easy to poke fun at your partner in front of them and it might well be just humour. But being in a relationship doesn’t give you the right to bring them down in front of people, mock their interests or habits. In the long run it can affect someone’s emotional stability and confidence so better to rein yourself in even if you don’t get as many laughs!
• Lastly, making time for each other is important too. It’s often tempting to stay on at work, go out with friends or pursue your other interests, but all relationships need attention, with the other person feeling special and loved, just as you like to yourself.

You can see my blogs as soon as they are published (usually on Wednesdays) by pressing the ‘follow’ button and you can share them with your friends. You can also find me on LinkedIn, Instagram (samebutdifferent) and read my FB posts every week at Same But Different #samebutdifferent #relationships # issues #bloggerforever #lovewriting #livingchange #makeitcount #canidothis #canyoudothis #ukblogger #femaleblogger #irishblogger