Apparently, the origin of the phrase ‘old habits die hard’ is unknown, but has been in circulation since 1758 when it appeared in an article by Benjamin Franklin. Here ends the history lesson, because we all know what it means, and if you’ve spent the last month try to stick to resolutions and goals, you might be finding some old habits harder to kick than others. So, why is this?

Well, doing too much, too soon, sets us up for failure as you can’t resolve them all at once. So, begin with habits that are easiest to change as this will give you some sense of satisfaction as well as encourage to stick to other goals.

Although we’d like to think that will power alone will be enough, it rarely is (sadly!) but if you can find other ways of dealing with what you’re finding hard to ditch, it could help a lot. For example, if you’re tempted to reach for a glass of wine when stressed, try calling a friend or putting on some relaxing music instead.

Another way to help you through is to set yourself one tiny change each week. If you always find yourself tempted to eat some cake at 4p.m. (a particularly difficult time of day, I find), try to avoid it by always planning a walk at that time or cutting an apple into slices and adding some nuts to the side so that it’s already there when you’re tempted by something more fattening.

Goals are often rather loose too – if you can make them less generalised, that can help. For instance, if losing weight is a goal, try asking yourself how doing so will make you feel and what extra things might you be able to do.

But food, drink and/or cigarettes aren’t the only habits that a lot of people want to change; relationships and their accompanying issues can trigger old habits such as being on your phone all the time, leaving the other person feeling neglected. Maybe they’re doing the same but if you want to change this, it will take a concerted effort. Another habit which is hard to drop is making remarks at your partner’s expense when you’re out. Maybe they laugh outwardly, but inside they feel hurt.

Being passive-aggressive within a relationship is also an easy thing to slide into but try to take a minute to think about what you really want to say instead of going into a sulk or being sarcastic. Criticising your partner’s family is another bad habit, even if what you’re saying is true. Blood ties are often some of the strongest out there and even if your partner agrees with what you’re saying, they might get defensive about their family being attacked.

It’s about spotting your triggers and then trying to avoid them or find healthier substitutes. I know that this isn’t easy but next time you give in to whatever temptation you’re trying to conquer, examine why you gave in……how were you feeling at the time, were you hungry, tired, bored or emotional?

Luckily, you can always learn from any lapses that you might have. Research shows that people who manage to keep to their long-term health goals view their slip-ups look at why that happened and then pick themselves up and start again. Progress isn’t a linear pathway but more a case of trial and error and learning what works for you.

I’m sure that you can think of other ways to stick to your goals – if so, let me know on this page so that other people can see your tips too.

You can see my blogs as soon as they are published (usually on Wednesdays) by pressing the ‘follow’ button and you can share them with your friends. You can also find me on LinkedIn, Instagram (samebutdifferent) and read my FB posts at Same But Different.

#loss #depression #mentalhealth #anger #melancholy

Going into the New Year, a lot of us feel pretty optimistic about the next twelve months. That’s not the case for everyone though, especially if they’ve suffered with their mental health during the past two years.

If you live with or love someone with mental health issues, it can be hard to know how best to support them. After all, we all like to think that we’re caring and kind (well, I haven’t met many people who admit to being uncaring and unkind!) but sometimes we can really be put to the test.

Maybe you’ve found yourself in the position of wanting to be the best you can where a partner or friend is concerned. If they’re suffering with a health issue, whether it’s mental, emotional or physical, it’s natural to want to help them as much as possible.

Some people are ‘naturals’ in these caring roles, but even then, other people’s health issues can take a toll on our own well-being. If you’ve found yourself in this position, don’t beat yourself up about it. This week, I’m going to write about helping someone with mental health issues following on from my blog on 1 December when I wrote about how physical illness can affect your relationship

If your partner or friend is having a difficult time emotionally, you may have to help them to manage day-to-day tasks that previously they found easy to do themselves. But mental health affects people in different ways, so you have to almost ‘feel’ the situation as you go along.

One of your main roles will be to encourage and support them but also to help them to seek treatment such as medication, if appropriate, counselling and joining a group focussing on what’s going on for them. Don’t let’s underestimate the support of groups – even though a lot of people are reluctant to participate, they often find that the group is a lifeline. As someone who’s trying to help them, it might well be a lifeline for you as well.

You might also need to make phone calls for them – speaking on the phone can be a challenge at the best of times, but if you’re suffering emotionally, even more so.

Another way to encourage them is to build up their confidence about making decisions (when you’re depressed and anxious, it’s hard to have faith in the decisions you make in everyday life) and reinforce every little success that they have.

You may well feel frustrated that you can’t make them happy, or better, but like any physical health condition, you can’t always find a solution so don’t put that pressure on yourself. To help them, you need to stay healthy yourself.

If it’s really hard for them to tell you how they’re feeling on a day-to-day basis, setting up a colour-code might help. This would work by getting, say, four different coloured cards with each one having a meaning that you work out together. For instance, black could mean that they’re feeling particularly vulnerable on that day, red means they’re feeling angry or irritable, yellow means that they can’t talk about it but they do need some company and blue means that though they love you, they need to be alone that day. Whatever the card that they show you means, try to respect their needs.

Over a period of time, you might be able to interpret how they’re feeling without looking at cards but more about their behaviour and expressions on a particular day.

Most of all, as I said earlier, try to be there for them to talk to as much as you can but don’t neglect yourself and other relationships, otherwise you won’t be in a position to support them or anyone else.

Please do comment on my blog if you have found it interesting, useful or otherwise. You can see my blogs as soon as they are published (usually on Wednesdays) by pressing the ‘follow’ button and you can share them with your friends. You can also find me on LinkedIn, Instagram (samebutdifferent) and read my FB posts at Same But Different.                          #loss #depression #mentalhealth #anger #melancholy