If you’re yearning for someone special in your life but always seem to end up with the wrong person (wrong for you, not necessarily for someone else though), it can be hard, particularly if a lot of your friends are part of a happy couple.

So, what can you do to improve your chances of finding someone who wants a long-term commitment?

First of all, don’t waste your time hanging onto someone who ultimately isn’t going to be good for you. In other words, if someone shows you early on that they’re not really right for you, don’t hang on in there thinking that eventually they’ll change. It’s very unlikely that that will happen and you’ll have wasted time and energy on something that won’t work out.

Be discerning about who you go out with – don’t agree to date someone because you feel desperate or lonely. It’s not a good foundation for anything long-term.

If you really want a committed relationship (rather than ‘just a bit of fun’), only date people who are also ready for a something long-term.

Unless you live in a rural area and are very isolated socially, there will be groups of single people that you come into contact with who find you attractive. So, ignore the possible partners who aren’t single and any who are obviously not attracted to you. Getting attached to unavailable people is painful and a waste of time (sounds obvious but it’s easy to get carried away on those first heady dates but you need to know how available they are before committing yourself any further!).

Of the people that find you attractive, there will be a smaller group that you find attractive too. However, there’s no point in dating any of them if they don’t want a commitment at some point in the future. You can usually suss this out by asking subtle questions on, say, the first date or even in general conversation.

Also, don’t ask well-meaning family and friends what they think, or at least, take their advice with a pinch of salt. Anything along the lines of “you’re too choosy” and “someone will come along when you least expect it” isn’t really helpful in the long run.

So, to summarise: only date people if

• They find you attractive
• You find them attractive
• They’re single and available
• They are ready for a long-term commitment
• They show signs of wanting that commitment with you.

When I ask clients why they chose their partner, they often reply that they didn’t choose them, “they just came along”, but there is almost always a choice made on our parts, even if we can’t see it at the time!

Hopefully this blog has interested you enough to encourage you to look at who you choose to date. Most of us have that choice and it’s up to us to make sure that we’re making good decisions about our future.

Hopefully you’ve found this blog helpful and interesting – if so, I’d love it if you bought me a coffee ☕ (see tab at top of page). Thank you so much.

Anyway, let me know your thoughts on it. You can see my blogs as soon as they are published (usually on Wednesdays) by pressing the ‘follow’ button and you can share them with your friends. You can also find me on LinkedIn, Instagram (samebutdifferent) and read my FB posts every week at Same But Different #samebutdifferent #relationships # issues #bloggerforever #lovewriting #livingchange #makeitcount #canidothis #canyoudothis #ukblogger #femaleblogger #irishblogger

Do you ever feel like someone in your life is just a bit too self-involved? If so, it can be tough to make them understand that actually, it’s not all about them. Sounds familiar? While it’s healthy to express self-interest there’s a big difference between confidence and self-absorption.

There are several signs and signals that show that you’re dealing with a self-centred person:

• They have a sense of self-entitlement. Somehow, they believe that they’re more deserving of privileges and special treatment than other people. An extension of this is that they often  attribute their achievements to their own efforts but blame outside factors or others for their shortcomings.
• They’re rarely happy for your achievements – a self-centred person struggles to feel genuine happiness for other people, even their partners and friends.  Whatever achievement that you’ve managed, whether it’s a small win in a competition, making a new friend or getting a promotion at work, they will often react with jealousy or indifference or congratulate you half-heartedly but turn the subject back to themselves.
• They find it hard to show empathy. I’ve found this out personally and professionally – the ‘friend’ who finds it hard to listen to others, switching off completely or brushing off your concerns and making light of them rather than trying to reassure you.
• They find it hard to say sorry. That doesn’t make them bad people but they definitely have a hard time apologising and really meaning it. Admitting they’re wrong would mean acknowledging someone else’s point of view and shifting the focus from themselves. They might twist the situation so that it seems as if you were over-reacting and that’s because they find it a struggle to accept responsibility; they find it hard to understand that they’ve hurt you or someone else.
• They’re always seeking validation – you might have found yourself constantly reassuring and complimenting them, just to keep things sweet.  They crave approval, and even more importantly, attention, so that they can carry on feeling good about themselves. You might find yourself being their sidekick, taking on this role of constantly dishing out compliments to help this process along.      
• They lack self-awareness, often failing to see how their behaviour impacts on others or even understand how others see them.

So, if you find yourself being manipulated or always trying to reach someone else’s standards, you’re probably dealing with a deeply self-centred person. If this is the case, it’s vital to maintain your personal freedom and individuality in any relationship.

However, it’s not about changing the other person but more about understanding their behaviour and how it impacts on you personally. Once you’ve done that, you’ll be better able to manage your interactions with them and protect yourself emotionally within the relationship/friendship

However, here’s something to think about…..do we all lack self-awareness at time? Of course we do because no-one is perfect and there’s always room for growth and self-reflection.  Everyone has the potential for change (yes, really!). Food for thought……

Hopefully you’ve found this blog helpful and interesting – if so, I’d love it if you bought me a coffee ☕ (see tab at top of page). Thank you so much.

Anyway, let me know your thoughts on it. You can see my blogs as soon as they are published (usually on Wednesdays) by pressing the ‘follow’ button and you can share them with your friends. You can also find me on LinkedIn, Instagram (samebutdifferent) and read my FB posts every week at Same But Different #samebutdifferent #relationships # issues #bloggerforever #lovewriting #livingchange #makeitcount #canidothis #canyoudothis #ukblogger #femaleblogger #irishblogger

Why do we do this? I’m guessing that most of us say it because we don’t want to show our real emotions, perhaps out of pride or because we don’t want other people to feel sorry for us. A lot also depends on who’s asking. Do they really care about you or is it someone who’s a casual acquaintance and you think they’re asking the question automatically rather than being genuinely interested in you and how you’re feeling. Whoever it is, if you feel uncomfortable with their question, don’t feel obliged to give more than a short answer, giving little away.

I wouldn’t usually advocate keeping your feelings to yourself but in this instance, self-protection comes into play and it can be best to keep your true feelings to yourself. You can always answer with something along the lines of “Oh, I’m just getting on with things. How about you? How are you doing?”

But there will be times when you really want, even need, to talk and most people who ask are doing so out of genuine concern. Finding some sort of balance is often the best way forward; in other words, maybe start with telling the person “I’m finding it hard at the moment but trying to get through a day at a time. Maybe we could talk about it more one evening/next weekend”. Trusting the listener is a big part of talking about the issues that are causing you problems. You need to have confidence in them and this takes time – you might take a couple of weeks to tell them the truth about what’s been happening for you but that’s okay. Bearing our souls isn’t easy but keeping things buried inside doesn’t help. Eventually they erupt, often when we’re least expecting it.

So tell your trusted friends and say what you need like some space, time to vent or a companion to go walking with rather than going alone if that’s what you usually do. Most of us need human contact, not just physically but emotionally so that we don’t’ feel so alone when life is hard for us. This is the start to saying how you feel rather than always telling people that you’re fine – give it a try and see how you go.

Hopefully you’ve found this blog helpful and interesting – if so, I’d love it if you bought me a coffee ☕ (see tab at top of page). Thank you so much.

Anyway, let me know your thoughts on it. You can see my blogs as soon as they are published (usually on Wednesdays) by pressing the ‘follow’ button and you can share them with your friends. You can also find me on LinkedIn, Instagram (samebutdifferent) and read my FB posts every week at Same But Different #samebutdifferent #relationships # issues #bloggerforever #lovewriting #livingchange #makeitcount #canidothis #canyoudothis #ukblogger #femaleblogger #irishblogger

I’m late writing this blog – I have no idea why, except I’ve had a lot on my time and those things seem to have left less room for anything creative, including writing blogs (hopefully you find these creative, at least some of the time!).

However, it’s a good way of looking at how easily we can become stressed and have less time to do those things that nourish us emotionally and creatively. “Well, we have to earn a living/look after our children/make a cake for the school bazaar/” I hear you say, and you’re absolutely right but we DO need to check in with ourselves sometimes, have some breathing space and generally have a bit of a rest.

During the last four years, most of us have had to deal with huge amounts of stress and it’s taken a toll, even though we’re mostly getting back to some sort of normality. But if you’re finding that you’re putting off doing things more than usual, eating or sleeping more, finding everyday things overwhelming or just not looking forward to seeing friends or family, it’s time to take some time for yourself.

So if this is you, try to go for a walk alone, sit quietly and breathe slowly and steadily, have a long bath or read a book for half an hour (or a magazine if that appeals more!). You’re almost certain to start feeling more refreshed and more yourself. It will take a few days of incorporating these simple ideas into your daily routine, but you’ll notice the difference.

Hopefully you’ve found this blog helpful and interesting – if so, I’d love it if you bought me a coffee ☕ (see tab at top of page). Thank you so much.

Anyway, let me know your thoughts on it. You can see my blogs as soon as they are published (usually on Wednesdays) by pressing the ‘follow’ button and you can share them with your friends. You can also find me on LinkedIn, Instagram (samebutdifferent) and read my FB posts every week at Same But Different #samebutdifferent #relationships # issues #bloggerforever #lovewriting #livingchange #makeitcount #canidothis #canyoudothis #ukblogger #femaleblogger #irishblogger

It’s not something that always talked about openly but if you live with or love someone with mental health issues, it can be hard to know how best to support them. After all, we all like to think that we’re caring and kind (well, I haven’t met many people who admit to being uncaring and unkind!) but sometimes we can really be put to the test.

Maybe you’ve found yourself in the position of wanting to be the best you can where a partner or friend is concerned. If they’re suffering with a health issue, whether it’s mental, emotional or physical, it’s natural to want to help them as much as possible.

Some people are ‘naturals’ in these caring roles, but even then, other people’s health issues can take a toll on our own well-being. If you’ve found yourself in this position, don’t beat yourself up about it. This week, I’m going to write about helping someone with mental health issues following on from my blog on 1 December when I wrote about how physical illness can affect your relationship

If your partner or friend is having a difficult time emotionally, you may have to help them to manage day-to-day tasks that previously they found easy to do themselves. But mental health affects people in different ways, so you have to almost ‘feel’ the situation as you go along.

One of your main roles will be to encourage and support them but also to help them to seek treatment such as medication, if appropriate, counselling and joining a group focussing on what’s going on for them. Don’t let’s underestimate the support of groups – even though a lot of people are reluctant to participate, they often find that the group is a lifeline. As someone who’s trying to help them, it might well be a lifeline for you as well.

You might also need to make phone calls for them – speaking on the phone can be a challenge at the best of times, but if you’re suffering emotionally, even more so.

Another way to encourage them is to build up their confidence about making decisions (when you’re depressed and anxious, it’s hard to have faith in the decisions you make in everyday life) and reinforce every little success that they have.

You may well feel frustrated that you can’t make them happy, or better, but like any physical health condition, you can’t always find a solution so don’t put that pressure on yourself. To help them, you need to stay healthy yourself.

If it’s really hard for them to tell you how they’re feeling on a day-to-day basis, setting up a colour-code might help. This would work by getting, say, four different coloured cards with each one having a meaning that you work out together. For instance, black could mean that they’re feeling particularly vulnerable on that day, red means they’re feeling angry or irritable, yellow means that they can’t talk about it but they do need some company and blue means that though they love you, they need to be alone that day. Whatever the card that they show you means, try to respect their needs.

Over a period of time, you might be able to interpret how they’re feeling without looking at cards but more about their behaviour and expressions on a particular day.

Most of all, as I said earlier, try to be there for them to talk to as much as you can but don’t neglect yourself and other relationships, otherwise you won’t be in a position to

Hopefully you’ve found this blog helpful and interesting – if so, I’d love it if you bought me a coffee ☕ (see tab at top of page). Thank you so much.

Anyway, let me know your thoughts on it. You can see my blogs as soon as they are published (usually on Wednesdays) by pressing the ‘follow’ button and you can share them with your friends. You can also find me on LinkedIn, Instagram (samebutdifferent) and read my FB posts every week at Same But Different #samebutdifferent #relationships # issues #bloggerforever #lovewriting #livingchange #makeitcount #canidothis #canyoudothis #ukblogger #femaleblogger #irishblogger