You’ve probably heard the phrase before and maybe someone’s even suggested that you might have attachment issues yourself, but what exactly does it mean?

Well, attachment is the deep emotional connection formed in the first instance between a child and the person providing their care; the quality of this connection is critical in the emotional development of children. If it’s a secure bond, or attachment, it’s the basis for resilience and positive relationships as these children grow into adults; however, if it isn’t secure – for instance, the caregiver, perhaps through no fault of their own, can’t provide reliable, and also consistent, care this can affect the mental health and future relationships as the children move into adulthood. If a child has many changing caregivers, or they’re insensitive, the child is neglected or they experience trauma, all these factors affect the attachment bond.

As adults, people with insecure attachment issues often find difficulty in forming emotional or physical bonds with other people, maintaining boundaries is hard and they can experience anxiety, mood changes and intense reactions to changes, particularly in their routines, and sometimes engage in high-risk behaviours like substance abuse.

If you, or someone close to you, is experiencing these issues, be reassured that there is help available and therapy is an important part of recovery.

Talking therapy involving one-to-one counselling or as a family can help to address attachment issues, making sense of all the different feelings and addressing the challenges involved; it’s about finding coping strategies to deal with all the different feelings that surface. Starting to understand how past experiences in childhood can have a drastic effect on present relationships is the start of the therapeutic process. In other words, to deal with it, you need to acknowledge it.

It’s also important to realise that people with attachment issues haven’t always had the opportunity to nurture good habits of self-care so remembering to eat nutritiously, exercise regularly and learn self-soothing skills is important.

There is also a lot of online help for attachment issues so these are worth reading through as well. If you feel that you’ve been affected by some of the issues I’ve written about, give yourself a chance to read more and seek therapeutic help if you feel you need more support. It’s important to feel that you can make changes, even if your childhood was lacking in ideal nurturing relationships.

Hopefully you’ve found this blog interesting – let me know your thoughts on it. You can see my blogs as soon as they are published (usually on Wednesdays) by pressing the ‘follow’ button and you can share them with your friends. You can also find me on LinkedIn, Instagram (samebutdifferent) and read my FB posts every week at Same But Different #samebutdifferent #relationships # issues #bloggerforever #lovewriting #livingchange #makeitcount #canidothis #canyoudothis #ukblogger #femaleblogger #irishblogger

Any counsellor and psychotherapist will tell you that you can only change your behaviour if you really want to – it can be done, but it often takes hard work.

However, don’t despair, because if you’ve decided that you really want to change, starting with some small steps can make a big difference. There are often some common patterns that can hold you back though – here are some of them; take a look and see if they resonate with you and, if so, what you can do about them.

• One of the first, and most compelling, is negative self-talk; to make some real changes, start believing in yourself and replace self-criticism with some positive affirmations like “I can do this if I put my mind to it”. Believing in yourself is really important.
• Fear of failure is also something that will hold you back, even if you’re determined to change. It can hold you back in a big way but try to recognise that in order to grow, you’ll inevitably make mistakes but these are natural and are part of your development.
• Procrastination is a big one too and can really hold us back when we’re trying to change. Try to prioritise your tasks and aim to be consistent, setting small goals along the way so that you’re often achieving some progress even if it’s not as quick as we’d like!
• Don’t compare yourself to other people – nothing’s more demoralising than constantly making comparisons. If you’re doing this, try to avoid social media for a while – instead, focus on yourself and your personal growth.
• Trying to please other people and a desire to make them happy or do what they expect of you means that you can often neglect your own needs. Thinking about yourself isn’t selfish, even if that’s a message that you took from childhood, but it’s essential if you want to change and prioritise yourself at times.
• Lastly, try to set more boundaries with friends, family and colleagues – the hardest thingabout change is that other people in your life may not like it. They say things like “you never used to react like that” and “why have you changed? You were always so easy-going” – these comments make it harder to change and we default back to our old ways. Of course people in your life preferred it when you fell in with their ideas and needs and they won’t always want you to change but for your own long-term happiness, it can be a life-changer, so give it a go.

Hopefully you’ve found this blog interesting – let me know your thoughts on it. You can see my blogs as soon as they are published (usually on Wednesdays) by pressing the ‘follow’ button and you can share them with your friends. You can also find me on LinkedIn, Instagram (samebutdifferent) and read my FB posts every week at Same But Different #samebutdifferent #relationships # issues #bloggerforever #lovewriting #livingchange #makeitcount #canidothis #canyoudothis #ukblogger #femaleblogger #irishblogger