Some people seem to have different moods each days whilst others are pretty much on an even keel. Sounds obvious? Well, yes, but if you’re the one who doesn’t often experience dark moods, it can be hard to know how to deal with them in other people.

And what about if you’re the one who’s moody? Sometimes, people are struggling with life and going through a difficult time but others use their moods to manipulate those around them. I’m not suggesting that there aren’t genuine reasons for peoples’ moods and sometimes there’s a medical reason for their depression and moodiness – in which case, they need to get professional help.

Whatever the reason, try to be understanding if someone’s going through hard times or are sick, depressed, tired or have suffered a bereavement.

But if you suspect over time that the moody person uses their moodiness to get what they want, here are a few ways to deal with that:

• Take a break, particularly if you have to work with a moody person. Get away from your desk if you can, find a non-moody person to speak to for a few minutes – interacting with moody people can be exhausting!
• Try to stay calm – it may seem like your fault, but it’s almost certainly not. Nor do you need to take it personally or solve it. Lastly, don’t let it make you feel bad.
• If possible, consider not having so much to do with them. That’s not usually possible at work but if it’s someone in your family, you can try breaks away from them if they’re making you miserable. All relationships are about give and take and if you’re always the one doing the giving, it’s just not balanced.
• Their “I can’t help it, I’m just a moody person” really doesn’t cut it. If you’ve tried concern, advice and patience and they don’t seem to want to make any changes, then maybe you need to rethink the situation. How much support are you able or willing to give them when it doesn’t seem to have any effect?
• Another way of dealing with their moods is to just go about your day as best you can, and totally ignore their mood. Live your life as if nothing was wrong. You need to get on with things even if your partner/sibling/friend is being completely negative.
• Lastly, don’t reward moodiness by letting it affect any choices you have to make – you’re building up problems for the future by encouraging their behaviour.

You may not agree with this blog, but I’d be interested in your comments, whatever you think about it.

You can see my blogs as soon as they are published (usually on Wednesdays) by pressing the ‘follow’ button and you can share them with your friends. You can also find me on LinkedIn, Instagram (samebutdifferent) and read my FB posts at Same But Different.

• Anger
• Anxiety and Depression
• Behaviour patterns
• Bereavement
• Couples
• Finances
• Individuals
• Insecurity
• Loneliness
• Mental Health
• Relationships
• Self-esteem
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Whatever your circumstances the last eighteen months of uncertainty, worry and often a fall in income have had an affect on almost everyone. Now that there’s more freedom again (at the time of writing this anyway!), it’s tempting to go out as much as possible and forget to make time for the most important people in our lives. These can be your partner, family or friends and it’s all too easy to get caught up in a lot of other distractions rather than setting aside energy and, most importantly, time, for our loved ones.

So how we can make sure that those people that we think most of don’t feel pushed aside?

Here are some ways to help things along:

• Try to cut out some of the things in your calendar that are dominating your time way too much. If they’re projects that aren’t really fulfilling, swap them for time with the people in your life who are really important to you.
• This extends to people that you live with – living in the same household isn’t the same as making time for one another. Try to sit down and have a nice evening meal at home or just talk over a cup of tea, catching up with their news.
• Try to send a card rather than a text or FB message – it’s not always easy to step back and try a more traditional way of doing things but sometimes a card can make such a difference; you’ve had to select it and bother to deliver or send it and it’s these little touches that mean a lot.
• If you don’t live close by your loved-ones, try to make the effort to call them from time to time. It’s important to try to stay connected, however far away you live.
• Remember that what’s important to you isn’t necessarily what’s important to them, so take time to understand them. One of the best ways of doing that is to really listen to what they’re saying and try to cherish them for who they are, even if you don’t always agree with them.
• Show up when you say you will – now that we can text to say that we’re going to be late, it’s all too easy not to keep to what was planned. That can be very frustrating if you’re the person left waiting around, so try to make sure that you put in an appearance when planned.

• Anger
• Anxiety and Depression
• Behaviour patterns
• Bereavement
• Couples
• Finances
• Individuals
• Insecurity
• Loneliness
• Mental Health
• Relationships
• Self-esteem
• Sexuality
• Social anxiety
• Stress
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• Uncategorised

It may have taken you some time to realise that you’re sharing your life with someone who isn’t really available for you on an emotional level. Maybe you were so in love in the early days that you thought that their reticence was due to them having been hurt before or because they came from a family that didn’t demonstrate their feelings towards one another.
Whatever the reason, over time living with someone who’s emotional distant can take its toll and it’s not just women who complain about this as men can also find their partners disconnected on a deeper level.

Ideally, it’s better to deal with this early on in the relationship when you start to notice that they’re always guarded when it comes to their emotions; it’s a good idea to let them know how you feel about it. Be clear about what you expect and want from them and if they’re willing to be open with you, the relationship has a good chance of developing.

However, if you’re some years down the line and things haven’t changed you may well feel very disappointed because most of us need strong relationships where feelings are expressed openly. It’s natural to want deep and meaningful interactions with the person we love.

You may find yourself thinking “They seem completely oblivious to my feelings”, “What does it take to get through to them?” or “They care more about their work/the children than they do about me”.

So if this is you and you want to stay with your partner (they’ve got lots of good points and you’re generally compatible), before you get completely disillusioned, how can you manage that? Well, you could try the following and see if things improve:

• Although you may have done so many times before, encourage them to sit down and try to find out what’s happening. It may be that they’ve always been like this, but if you’ve tried talking many times before and they want to change it may be that they’ll need to access counselling to learn how to open up to you.
• Having said that, once you’ve tried to ‘fix it’ and found that you just can’t (we can’t really change a person – they need to do it themselves), try to work out whether you might be able to get used to it. I’m not suggesting that you tolerate something that you find completely untenable, but it may be that they have a lot of good points and it’s worth concentrating on those, rather than focussing on their lack of emotions.
• Shift your focus: give them time to think over what you’ve said and then change the focus to yourself by getting involved in things that interest you, making sure that you’re busy and happy doing things that leave you feeling fulfilled.
• Realise and accept that you can only do so much – if your partner cannot contribute to your relationship in a way that fulfils at least some of your emotional needs, you may need to think about the future and whether you want to live like that. People do manage this because they feel that the positives outweigh the negatives, but you’re the only one who can make that ultimate decision.

You can read my blogs as soon as they are published (usually on Wednesdays) by pressing the ‘follow’ button and you can share them with your friends. You can also find me on Linked In, Instagram (samebutdifferent) and read my FB posts at Same But Different.

#anxiety #familyrelationships #stress #self-esteem #workonyourself

• Anger
• Anxiety and Depression
• Behaviour patterns
• Bereavement
• Couples
• Finances
• Individuals
• Insecurity
• Loneliness
• Mental Health
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• Self-esteem
• Sexuality
• Social anxiety
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Whether you’re having the same disagreements with your mother, your partner or a friend, the arguments can become pretty tedious, not to say tiring and repetitive.

So how can you avoid the ‘same old, same old’?

Here are some things to focus on:

• Listen carefully – when we’re in critical mode, we often don’t take time to reflect on what the other person says. What do you want out of the disagreement, other than the other person to give in completely? Why are you feeling angry? Try to take responsibility for what you’re feeling and then say it out loud in a non-confrontational way.
• Try to focus on what is working rather than what isn’t going well. Create a list of the good things the other person does for you, whether it’s your mother looking after your child or your cat, your partner filling your car with petrol or your friend going out of her way to give you a lift home. Thank them for these small acts of kindness – they will appreciate it.
• If you feel hurt because they are not there for you, acknowledge to yourself that there might be a reason for that and rather than saying, for instance, “you’re always going out/doing things for other people”, say “I wish that you were here with me. I know that you can’t be, but that’s what I like and need sometimes”.
• Stop making sweeping accusations – if you say “You always……” and “You never….” It feels heavy with criticism. Try saying “I’d love it if you could do ……………” because then the other person with know what would please you and has the opportunity to make changes.
• Try not to shout – whatever the relationship, nothing can blossom when voices are raised. Even if the other person shouts, and there’s then a temptation for you to do the same, try to keep your voice calm and make a conscious effort to keep it low too.

See how you get on with the above – hopefully you’ll find them helpful.

You can read my blogs as soon as they are published (usually on Wednesdays) by pressing the ‘follow’ button and you can share them with your friends. You can also find me on Linked In, Instagram (samebutdifferent) and read my FB posts at Same But Different.

#anxiety #familyrelationships #stress #self-esteem #workonyourself

• Anger
• Anxiety and Depression
• Behaviour patterns
• Bereavement
• Couples
• Finances
• Individuals
• Insecurity
• Loneliness
• Mental Health
• Relationships
• Self-esteem
• Sexuality
• Social anxiety
• Stress
• test post
• Uncategorised