Finding A New Partner

How hard is it to find a new partner, especially if you’ve just come out of a long-term relationship?

If this is what you want (and maybe you don’t at the moment, having decided that it’s fine to be on your own for a while), then you’ll soon notice that things have changed. A lot!

First of all, you need to decide what sort of person you’re looking for. Create a list and be honest. If you don’t want to get together with someone who has children of their own, admit it to yourself from the start. However, if you’re over thirty-five, this will severely decrease the number of people who will come into your sphere.

That brings me onto the need to be flexible which is in contradiction to the previous point but I want you to think about it. If you can be flexible in this and other ‘likes’ and ‘dislikes’, you may find that your life opens up no end. If you hate camping, it’s probably better to say so straight away but if caravanning doesn’t produce an anxiety attack, maybe there’s a compromise. The same goes for music and other interests.

You have a choice now whether to register online with a free dating site, pay for a more specialised service or hope that you’ll meet someone through your work or friends. Money will play a big part in this – if you can’t afford a monthly online site, you’ll need to choose one of the other ways. How did people meet one another years ago before computers and the internet? Usually at work or through friends/mutual interests. It worked then and sometimes it still works now.

If you go with the dating online site, you need to become quite savvy – it’s no use being really modest by putting things like “I’m just not used to this and not very good at it” – it’s putting yourself down and sounds really insecure.

However, boasting isn’t very attractive either – “I’m have a high-flying job and a Porsche” sounds pretty arrogant but confidence is fine so you could say “I cook a really good lasagne and am good for a laugh”.

Specific information can be good too – “I like looking at rainbows and one of the best I saw was when I visited Northumberland” gives a clue to the fact that you like travelling around a bit and is more interesting than “I like hanging out with friends”.

Don’t talk about any exes in your profile – it’s a real turn-off. Most people who are looking at your profile will realise that you have a past, as we all do; there’s time to talk about it when you meet face-to-face and preferably not at the first meeting.

Always put a photo on your profile – bite the bullet and make it a recent one as so many people have been disappointed at the first meeting to find the other person uploaded a photo taken twenty years ago!

Remember that playing hard to get doesn’t work any longer – waiting three days to reply may well mean that the other person has found someone else during that time.

If none of the above appeals, you can try the old-fashioned way of finding someone new through a shared interest, preferably where you can see them in the company of other people first. It will show whether they have any social skills, how they interact with people and generally whether they’re fairly likeable. You could find someone in the workplace or connected to your work in some way – there are lots of different scenarios but the old adage of finding love when you least expect it is as true as ever!

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