Still Trying To Understand Men?


Before I even start writing, I want to say that I know that this week’s post is gender-specific and if any men are reading it, let me know if there’s a similar post that you’d like to read from a different perspective!

I’m posting about a subject which is dear to a lot of womens’ hearts – how to understand their male partner or even their father, brother or male friends.

So, for women: you may well have dated a guy and thought that things were really going well between you. You seemed to be close but then he stops phoning and texting or even vanishes. It’s often a real shock and most women find it really hard to understand.

There’s a lot of soul-searching when this happens but one of the first things to recognise is that it’s not necessarily about you at all. The thing that might help is to take on board the fact that scientific research shows that there really are some differences between men and womens’ brains and if you want a better understanding of men, you need to take those differences into account. However, you also need to bear in mind that every man is still an individual, tempting though it is to sometimes lump them all together!

We all know women who may not seem particularly attractive or even that interesting but they’re the ones with attractive male partners who seem quite devoted to them….which proves that it’s not necessarily looks that keep a man with a woman. However, the man has to find that particular woman attractive to HIM.

Women sometimes have a list of unspoken criteria for finding a partner and it might run like this:

  • Don’t mention how attractive another woman is on the first few dates or very often after that either!
  • Don’t drive too fast and pretend that it’s perfectly safe
  • Don’t drink five nights out of seven
  • Do talk to me about me some of the time
  • Do tell me how you get on with your family (if you don’t get on with them, why not?)
  • If you have children by another relationship, tell me about them early on (yes, it’s a risk as I might not like it but at least I can make a decision about that)
  • Don’t ‘like’ other random womens’ photos on social media
  • Don’t tell me you like doing something when really you don’t – I’ll find out eventually and it’ll be a disappointment
  • Make sure there’s some romance along the way, even if we’ve been together a long time
  • Be reliable – if you say you’re going to do something, do it

It appears that a man’s list isn’t usually that long – it’s more along the lines of :

  • You look good
  • You’re interesting to talk to
  • You’re fun to be with

Yes, that’s it! Sounds easy doesn’t it? But there are other considerations too and here are three very important ones:

  • Men are often able to compartmentalise their emotions whether that’s to do with their job, children, family or anything else going on in their lives. Think about lots of different little boxes in their heads and each box is stored separately from the other boxes. Womens’ brains have boxes too but they all blend into one another so whatever goes on in one box affects all the other boxes too!
  • It also seems that men are very solution-focused so, on a basic level, if you’re sad or fed-up about something, they will try to find an answer (often practical) whereas really, you’d just like them to listen to you and empathise.
  • Usually, a man will want to feel that he’s the main person in your life – he wants to be the most important person and doesn’t like it if his position is usurped by others, even his own children sometimes.

So do you feel that you understand men any better now? Maybe not but hopefully this blog has helped you to look at that and realise that you’re not the only one thinking in that way.

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