In my last post, I wrote about feeling cut off from your family but what if you decide that this is actually the right thing for you? It’s a big decision for a lot of people because there are usually past loyalties and history.
In fact, cutting ties with your family is often harder than you might think, not least because we’re conditioned to believe that to end these relationships is somehow wrong. Even when you would never usually choose to have these people in your life, it can feel as if you’re a ‘bad person’ if you decide to stop seeing them. It doesn’t mean that you wish them harm but it’s not good for you as a person to keep in touch.
Here are some reasons that might make you decide to do this:
- The only contact you have with them is negative and brings you down or makes you feel as if you’re not good enough or haven’t done enough.
- You’re often ostracised by one or more people in the family, to the point where you find you’re losing sleep over it. There’s often a ringleader in this who influences other family members and in the end you start doubting yourself and wondering if you, in fact, are the problem.
- When it’s all about the other person and they don’t make any effort to understand you. In fact, they often set you up to fail – and you always will because that’s the game they play.
- When they indulge in the ‘silent treatment’ as a punishment if you challenge some of their views. That happens when they don’t get their own way and you’re going to know all about it by being frozen out.
- When the relationship is mostly about them borrowing or needing money from you.
- If the relationship is based on some sort of abuse: this can be verbal, emotional or physical. If you’re living in constant anxiety and never know how things are going to be, it might be time to let go.
- If the other person/people ‘gaslight’ you – make comments to other people which are not entirely true but show you in a bad light in some way. Other family members start to believe it because they don’t realise that they too are being manipulated.
Hard though it can be, sometimes it’s necessary to accept that you’re never going to feel loved and supported in the way that you deserve and you will never really gain their approval. Not everyone has good intentions, even if they are members of your family.
Maybe you’ve been in this position yourself – if so, it would be good to hear your comments about how you managed to cut those ties and how you feel now.
You can see my blogs as soon as they are published (usually on Wednesdays) by pressing the ‘follow’ button and you can share them with your friends. You can also find me on Linked In, Instagram (samebutdifferent) and read my FB posts at Same But Different.