‘These are not the best of times I know
I wouldn’t blame you if you choose to go
I’m sorry for this gloomy circumstance
But everyone deserves a second chance…..’
So say the opening lyrics of the song by Raul Midon (from his If You Really Want Album 2018) which explores the idea of second chances. But the whole concept of second chances partly depends on the sort of the relationship you have with the other person, whether that’s your lover, friend or family member.
It’s very human to want and hope for a second chance if we’ve offended someone or done something to hurt them but if you’re on the receiving end of being hurt or betrayed by someone you care about, it’s often hard to even think about giving that person a second chance.
Do you think it’s right to give up on people when they’ve let you down or is it worth giving them a second chance? Even though forgiveness is something we’re often taught is a good thing, doing so isn’t always easy. What do you think that the benefits of forgiveness are? Here are a few thoughts on that:
- If a lover has betrayed you, perhaps by cheating with someone else or spending a lot of your money, it’s easy to think ‘a leopard never changes its spots’ but the concept of people changing and making changes is a basic part of counselling and psychotherapy. People are capable of changing but, as counsellors like to say (and it’s so true!), they’ll only change if they really want to do so!
- It makes sense to focus on what you’re feeling when you feel betrayed (that can be within your close relationships or when you’ve been short-changed in a shop or the garage has let you down when repairing your car). However, if you can try to understand why that person behaved in a certain way, adding context to what they did, it can make it easier to show some empathy and forgive them.
- If you want people to forgive you if you’ve behaved badly and then give you a second chance, it’s likely that other people feel the same. Most people want an opportunity to redeem themselves.
- You’ll almost certainly feel happier if you forgive someone and then give them an opportunity to make good. There’s also a big pay-off from forgiveness in terms of your own emotional wellbeing so from that point of view alone, it’s worthwhile giving someone a second chance.
You may not agree and I’d welcome your comments if you feel that giving someone a second chance is just plain stupid but however you feel about it, let me know your thoughts……
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#anxiety #familyrelationships #stress #self-esteem #workonyourself