Find That You Keep Repeating Mistakes?

It can be overspending so that you get into debt or other issues like always picking unhealthy relationships, whether it be with partners or friends.

Maybe our brains are actually designed to repeat mistakes although this isn’t yet fully understood, but it could be that we tend to focus on what we’ve done wrong (or perceive that we’ve done wrong) rather than looking at what we’ve done right.

For instance, a study that was published in the Journal of the Academy of Marketing Science showed that if you focus on your past spending mistakes, it doesn’t stop you having shopping spree; quite the opposite in fact! But if someone focuses on good future outcomes where spending is concerned, they’re more likely to stop making poor financial choices.

One thing that I’ve noticed over the years is that people who grew up without a lot of boundaries don’t always know how to draw a line in their own adult lives. If you grow up not seeing your parents or care-givers establish limits, whether that’s around food, time-keeping or shouting about the slightest little thing, it’s harder to establish those boundaries yourself. You may disagree with this – after all, some people grow up thinking that above all, they’re going to be different from their parents and they set out to do that as soon as possible. If their parents were bad time-keepers, they always make a point of being punctual – and good for them.

If people are criticised a lot as children, they often grow up doubting themselves and any decisions that they make.

Sadly, any sort of abuse, whether emotional, physical or sexual, leaves children unconsciously believing that they don’t deserve good things and they make decisions as adults that prove that such assumptions are actually correct when that’s not necessarily the case.

So how can you avoid making the same mistakes again and again? Well, it’s not instant and takes some work but here are a few things that will help:

  • Learn goal setting that works. One way of doing this is making your goals achievable – in other words, one step at a time. If things don’t go according to plan, have a back-up that will still help you achieve your goal, maybe by a different route.
  • Focus on the future – as I said above, focussing on what we did wrong makes us more likely to do the same thing again so visualise how you want things to look in the future.
  • Stop beating yourself up if things go wrong – self-compassion is a good route to self-esteem and ultimately helps with decision-making.

As with anything, there will be blips along the way, but if you keep trying to look at your decisions and break any unhealthy patterns, eventually you’ll start having confidence in what you’ve achieved and what’s still left to achieve.

You can see my blogs as soon as they are published (usually on Wednesdays) by pressing the ‘follow’ button and you can share them with your friends. You can also find me on LinkedIn, Instagram (samebutdifferent) and read my FB posts at Same But Different.                          #loss #depression #mentalhealth #anger #melancholy

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