Reading the title of this blog it may sound harsh but if you’re in a long-term relationship, you’ll know that there are ups and downs over the years. Hard though it is to think like this, some relationships are forever and a lot are ‘for now’ or for ‘some time ahead’. Sounds cynical? Maybe, that’s often the reality.

But how do you know if and when you’ve outgrown your relationship? Maybe something drastic has happened to change it, but quite often partners change at a different pace even though at the beginning of our relationships it seemed impossible.

When you’ve worked hard to keep things going but your partner doesn’t want to change (or finds it too difficult), you can end up feeling resentful and angry. Sound familiar? If one of you has changed in how you live your life, how you view your career or there’s been a long-term health problem, you might be very different people from the ones who met years ago.

Another sign that you’ve outgrown the other person can be that you feel embarrassed and awkward if you’re out together. Our partners are often a reflection of who we are and if they’re still stuck at how they used to be, it can feel as if they’re holding us back when we want to move forward. If you’re constantly having to ask them to make changes or you liked the fact that they were relaxed about life but now it irks you and you’re always pushing for something different, it’s time to think about it all seriously

You might have found that as you’ve developed new interests, had different conversations with other people and realise that your beliefs are different it can lead to you looking for someone who shares your values and interests. It’s easy to be drawn to a new person who seems exciting and different from your current partner.

So, what’s the answer (if there is one – not easy!). First of all, talk about it and then talk some more; tell each other how you’d like things to be and how you can help each other to get there. Then, set a realistic timeframe to look at things again. By that time, you might both have come to the realisation that it’s not working and it’s unlikely to change. When you’ve given it your best efforts, it may be time to break up, but that’s rarely an easy path to take……..

Hopefully you’ve found this blog helpful and interesting – if so, I’d love it if you bought me a coffee ☕ (see tab at top of page). Thank you so much.

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