Most people know that the last couple of years have been very hard for most of us but now that it looks as if things are beginning to look up, it’s natural to think that you’ll feel happier and more content. But maybe happiness still seems just beyond your grasp and you’re not sure why. In fact, you feel guilty because you know that you should feel happier now.

Well, there’s no should in counselling – it’s not a helpful word and is loaded with expectation.

If you’re feeling like this, maybe there are reasons for it and once you know the reason, you can do something about it.

• You forget that you do have different options so there’s choice. It’s easy to forget that possibility when you’re feel stuck with the same issues every day, whether these are at work, home, with relationships or something that seems outside your control. But, if you can make one little change in the way you deal with things, you’ll almost certainly find that other things will change – it’s a bit like those dominos that are lined up where, if you push one, all the others behind it fall down too. We don’t want people or things to fall down but this ‘domino effect’ can be quite startling!
• Maybe you’re too hard on yourself – if you’re always expecting perfection in what you do and then get upset when you can’t achieve it, remember that imperfections are what make us human. To combat this, set yourself achievable goals – not quite as high as before, but enough to help you to feel good when you attain them.
• It could be that you depend on others for your own happiness but it’s better to rely on yourself to be happy, rather than expecting other people to fulfil that for you. How can you do that? By not always seeking other peoples’ approval but trying meditation and self-reflection (maybe by writing in a journal and then looking back on it) to discover the inner you and what makes you feel more contented.
• It could be that you feel envious of other people, especially if they seem to ‘sail through life’. But everyone has their own low points and struggles, even if it doesn’t seem like that. The main thing is how you see your challenges and ultimately, how you face and deal with them. This is partly about re-framing things and not seeing everything as a disaster. Of course, some things are a disaster, but in everyday life, a lot of things aren’t as bad as we think and there’s often a positive, even if we can’t see it at the time. We have choices about how we perceive what happens to us and try to change it from a negative to a positive.
• Apparently, having too much clutter can be associated with anxiety and depression. If you feel that this is the case, get tough with yourself and start going through your wardrobe and cupboards, sorting out what you can take to charity shops and what you still really need. Lighter cupboards, lighter spirit!
• Lastly, maybe you don’t make time for fun because you’re so busy in everyday life that fun has taken a back seat. But it’s important to laugh, enjoy life and find a few minutes each day to have a some fun – this means different things to different people but it could be doing hopscotch in the kitchen (remember hopscotch?), brewing beer, hula hooping, knitting for a doll – anything that brings a smile to your face. Whatever it is that floats your boat, try to do it every day.

Once you stop pursuing happiness, it often shows up quickly. Good luck with the above and let me know how you get on.

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